And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
