I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize