i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
