remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
