He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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