She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Randomize
