So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
