Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
