yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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