you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
