It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
