i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
