bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
