I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
