Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
