Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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