Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize