Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
false alarm, still single
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
