Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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