Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
