he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
