The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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