I want to stick my p in your. b.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
