i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
