Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
