it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
