absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
