Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
