what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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