i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
