Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
