Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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