And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
