When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
