Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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