Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
