"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All the doctor said was why
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
