Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
