hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
