I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
