I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
