I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
