So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
