The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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