What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
