You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
