he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
