you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
