just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize