dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
