The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
