You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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