Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
