Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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