pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
