Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
