I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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