took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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