I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
