She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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