i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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