I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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