Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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