I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
