I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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