you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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