I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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