im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
