As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
