And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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