Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize