omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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