I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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